Smile, You're On Candid Camera
by Rose Eclipse
Summary: Starfire gets a camcorder for her birthday. Now the Titans are doomed as she goes around filming activities that they'd never want to be caught doing!
1. Chapter 1

"Happy Birthday dear Starfire, Happy Birthday to you!" The Titans finished up their song with tremendous applause. The beaming green-eyed beauty blushed and gasped at the giant confectionary concoction of pink icing and roses on top of a large cake.

Tamaranean birthdays are somewhat fanatic and rather dangerous according to Earth's standards. So instead of the orthodox approach of celebration that Starfire was accustomed to (which included Musical Gyrowkicks and dancing around the Zelgifor while eating Jumow pudding) the Titans had decided to give her a traditional Earth birthday.

"Make a wish, Star," Robin nudged her. She paused for a moment. "Why? Is there a genie inside of this cake? Must I rub it to make the wish come true?"

"No, just make a wish and blow out the candles," Beast Boy said. Starfire's cheeks puffed up a bit and she leaned forth. With a swishing noise, the light in the pink candles went out. Raven flicked on the lights and Cyborg began to cut pieces of cake.

"Starfire, what did you wish for?" Beast Boy said.

"Well, I wish that you had not set my cake on fire," she answered simply. "But I am still glad that we can partake of this delicious ceremony food."

"Before we dig in, Star, the guys and I got you something," Robin said. He handed her a small box wrapped in purple paper. Starfire ripped the box open and found a remarkable device.

"Robin! It is so beautiful and shiny!" she exclaimed with delight. Starfire turned the square shaped object over, her fingers sliding over the buttons and peeping through a small glass circle located in the back of it.

"Is this some jewelry box or a form of entertainment, Robin?" she asked.

Cyborg laughed. "No Star, it's a camcorder. You use it to film people. Kind of like a movie," he said. Cyborg pressed a button on the camcorder and motioned for Starfire to look through it.

"Marvelous! I can see everyone in this tiny screen," she said with delight. The camera's screen showed Robin waving, then a very sheepish looking Beast Boy who was already eating birthday cake. A guilty look combined with pink icing was smeared across his face.

The camera moved to Raven but at once, her hand covered up the small screen. "I have no interest of being made to look like a fool," she said, waving her hand in front of the camera.

"It's not so bad, Raven," Beast Boy piped up. "Not like Starfire is going to film anything really embarrassing or stupid."

This is where the little green skinned changeling known as Gar Logan will learn a VERY important lesson of life: Be careful what you say because you may regret your words. .. and eat them as well.

_Two days later:_

The camera turns on revealing the sparkling smile of the Tamaranean beauty. "Good morning to all humans!" she said into the camera, holding it in front of her face.

"Today, I, Koriand'r from Tamaran, am honored to take you all on a journey around the home of the Teen Titans. In this very home, we will observe the lifestyles and activities of my dear friends and teammates. This will be an extremely educational and helpful guide to all."

Starfire held the camcorder as she walked down the hallway of the Titan's Tower. The camcorder reveals a slightly open door. Starfire's hand came to the door.

"Our leader, Robin, has left his door open. I will take the liberty of investigating the Boy of Wonder's private chambers to see what fascinating projects he may be working on."

Starfire walked in and turned around, causing some various half-broken weapons to fall to the ground. Starfire put the camera on the desk and bent down to pick up the stuff.

"It appears that Robin is preoccupied with creating a new weapon," Starfire said. She picked up the yellow oval shaped thing and held it in front of the camcorder. "These odd oval shaped weapons are called 'grenades' and they explode when a small trigger is removed." Starfire hummed and turned the small thing over on its side. "But I cannot seem to find this trigger for now."

"Notice it has a rubbery texture and bright yellow color. No doubt enemies will be not be suspicious of such an adorable looking thing," Starfire said happily. She noticed the "grenade" was rather soft and when she applied pressure it emulated a strange sound:

_SQUEAK!_

Starfire, being startled by the strange noise, dropped the "grenade" and stepped back.

There was the sound of footsteps coming closer. Starfire hid under Robin's desk, camcorder still in hand. Robin walked out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around his waist and his mask over his eyes.

"Who's there?" he demanded.

"It appears that Robin has a very handsome body though he appears rather skinny," Starfire whispered softly. "Does he not get enough nourishment?"

Robin began to rummage around the room, pushing books, papers, and half broken weapons all over the place.

"AHA!" Robin shouted. He bent over and Starfire was afraid that she would be spotted. Instead, Robin picked up the yellow object and carried it into the bathroom. The door slammed shut, but Starfire held up the camcorder to the keyhole to peep inside.

The splashing sound of water was accompanied by a slight gurgling from the pipes. Robin was sitting in the bathtub, his usual spiky jet black hair now wet and plastered down on his forehead. Strangely enough, he was still wearing his mask. He was singing and holding the yellow object.

"Robin is now testing his grenade to see if it is waterproof and resistant to pressure." Starfire paused. "I certainly hope it does not explode in his face."

"_Rubber Duckie, you're the one_," Robin sang. He held up the yellow toy and squeezed it in between intervals.

"_You make bath time lots of fun_"

SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

"_Rubber Ducky, I'm awfully fond of you_"

"_Rubber Ducky, joy of joy_"

SQUEAK! SQUEAK!

"_When I squeeze you, you make noise..."_

There was a splashing sound and Starfire leapt back under the desk to wait and see results. Ten minutes later, a dark clad figure wrapped in black robes with a metallic black and silver mask on his face stepped out of the bathroom.

"Oh no! Robin has been replaced by a sadistic evil version of Slade's smaller wicked brother!" Starfire gasped. Just then, the black figure gave a raspy cough and banged on his chest.

"Cyborg! I can't breath in this damned thing!" Robin shouted. He flipped the lid of the helmet over.

"Well duh, why do you think Vader is so grouchy all of the time?" Cyborg asked. He began to shake a can of something before handing it to Robin.

"Ready to be sprayed?"

"Hose me down, Rob." Starfire's eyes widened as Robin's finger came on the nozzle and shining gold spray covered Cyborg's skin and metallic body.

"How fascinating! In honor of this ritualistic meeting that they will attend, Cyborg is coating his body in glittering deodorant, no doubt very much similar to the body glitter that females enjoy using on their bodies."

Robin stopped spraying and Cyborg looked in the mirror. He frowned. "I don't think I look like 3-CPO that much."

"Well duh, because you look like him on steroids," said the green changeling. Beast Boy walked in with a slightly sulky look on his face.

Beast Boy stomped in wearing fake animal skins, a leather belt, and holding a dagger. "How come I have to be an Ewok?" he protested.

"Because you're short like one," Robin retorted. He paused. "Why do I have to be Darth Vader?"

"Because you've been . . . to the Dark Side!" Cyborg said in a low shaky tone.

"I have not!" Robin argued.

"Yes you have! You worked for Slade!" Cyborg shot back.

"Not like I wanted to," Robin defended himself. "And besides, it sucked."

"Dude! Didn't you learn _anything_ cool under Slade?" Beast Boy asked.

Robin paused. "I learned the Vulcan death grip."

"Really?!" the two male Titans grinned.

"No."

Their faces fell.

A-A-A

"I followed the male cast of the team to watch them participate in this seemingly cult like activity. They have gone to the cinema to watch a dramatic epic known as 'The War of the Stars," Starfire said. "And to wear outlandish outfits and shout out at the screen when a planet known as the Star of Death explodes and something about a man called Darth Vegas."

A-A-A

The camera turned on.

"Today I shall visit the lair of our evil arch nemesis known as Slade and decipher his conduct of life," Starfire said.

She tiptoed into the vast dark room and hid behind some barrels. The dark room was full of cranking machines and eerie noises were heard everywhere. Starfire noticed a small thin girl sitting at a desk, her legs propped up on the desk as she leaned back and filed her nails.

"Jinx!" shouted a rumbling voice. The masked man opened the door and marched over to a desk. "Just what do you call this?" he demanded, throwing a stack of papers on her desk.

Since his past two apprentices had both resulted in disasters, Slade had decided to forsake the entire "train-the-student-to-learn-evil-bad-guy-stuff-and-become-corrupt-like-me" plan.

Jinx was his new secretary. And from what he had seen in the past two weeks, it wasn't paying off. The floors were dusty, the coffee was terrible, and the phone lines were full since Jinx didn't bother to clear the voice mail.

The pink haired witch shrugged and continued to file her nails. "I call it filing," she said, chewing on her gum loudly.

"This is NOT filing! I wanted it alphabetized according to the criminal, not the innocent bystander," Slade said angrily. "Now go back into the database system and edit every single one of those records."

Jinx slammed down the filer. "Ya mean I gotta do it over again?"

"Yes."

"Aw geez, boss. Who cares how I file?" Jinx whined. "That's like fifty thousand names to correct!"

"Fifty thousand, eight hundred, and seven, to be precise." Never say that a criminal psycopath didn't pay attention in math class. "Then get the broom out of the storage closet and start sweeping up. I cannot tolerate dust in my hideout."

"So? Get a janitor!" Jinx shouted. She took the wad of chewing gum out of her mouth and stuck it under her desk. One hundred and fourteen pieces in her collection so far. She was hoping to break the record of two hundred.

Slade turned around to leave and nearly tripped over a large wooden crate. "Where the hell did this come from?!" he thundered.

"Oh that?" Jinx nodded her head. "I won that stuff on e-bay."

Slade pried open the crate and looked inside. Once Slade saw the contents, he uttered several foul words that cannot be mentioned in this story, slammed the crate shut angrily, and glared at her.

"And what, may I ask, am I supposed to do with _seventy quarts of mayonnaise_?!" he shouted.

Jinx paused. "Chicken salad?"

Slade stomped out of the room. Jinx shrugged and propped her feet up on the desk. "Yeah, Giz, the coast is clear," she muttered and went back to filing her nails. Gizmo climbed out from under the desk and landed in front of the computer.

"Yeah! Back to computer games!" he shouted, grabbing the mouse and clicking away. Jinx made her chair spiral around and slurped out of a can of soda.

Starfire followed Slade into the other room where he took his seat in front of a massive screen.

"Perhaps if our enemy was to watch more entertaining movies such as we do at the tower, then he would not be in such sadistic moods as to terrorize us," Starfire said softly. She watched him aim a remote at the giant screen and click the button.

A white-faced man with green hair popped up on the screen. "Slade! How's it going?" the man laughed as if he was the best joke of the year.

"Disgusting as usual." Slade leaned back in his chair and locked his fingers together. "I've looked over this plan of yours, Joker, and given it my review."

"Weeeeell?" Joker drawled out.

"Your intention of destroying the city using the' Exploding Rubber Chickens Report' is a ridiculous idea," Slade growled. "Not to mention expensive and time-consuming."

"Blast the timing, Slade!" Joker shouted. "Besides, all those little Teeny Weeny Titans will have a ball scrubbing rubber gizzards off the walls once the Rubber Chickens invade the city." Joker began his hyena giggling and rubbed his hands together.

"Well, I've got some good news for you," Joker added. He held up a plunger. "I've taken the liberty of making the Gotham sewers back up."

There was a moment of silence for dramatic effect.

"And?" asked Slade.

"And cats can't swim! Neither can bats! Ha ha ha ha!" Joker screamed with laughter. "So Batman and Catwoman are now bobbing about in the sewers without so much as waterwings."

"Thrilling," Slade said in a voice that suggested the opposite of his comment. While Joker was still trying to get Slade's attention, Starfire noticed a leather bag leaning against the wall.

"This should be interesting." She removed a long thin metal rod with a heavy metal base attached at one end.

"This is certainly not a staff or a sword, so perhaps it is used for cooking," she said. 'But the base is not cupped as a mixing spoon should be." She swung the metal rod back and forth a few times. However, Starfire's grip was lost and the rod went flying against the air. Starfire gasped, cringing as the rod smacked into the wall with a loud clanging noise.

Correction.

The rod smacked into the back of Slade's head.

The masked man gave a roar and shouted "OUCH!" He jumped up from his chair, rubbing the back of his metallic helmet. The camera showed the back of his head with a large dent in the metal. Starfire gulped and turned off the camera.

"Who's there?" Slade shouted. He whipped back to the screen. "I think your games have done enough for once, Joker," he snapped. Slade raised the remote.

"Wait! Where's yer sense of humor?" Joker demanded. The screen went black.

"I think I shall take the opportunity of leaving as soon as possible," Starfire said softly. She managed to fly quietly out of the room and was about to sneak out the back, but not without hearing Slade scream at the top of his lungs:

"WHO RUINED MY GOLF CLUBS?!"

A-A-A

The camera turned on.

"Now I shall observe the lifestyle of the other female Titan, Raven."

The camera zooms in and a door slides open.

"Raven is shouting some very foul words at the moment. It seems that she is enraged about a person known as _'Scale_," Starfire assumed.

"Raven is jumping up and down upon a small metal box and shouting that 'Scale' is a liar, thinks that she is obese, and she despises _'Scale'_-"

"I HATE YOU!" Raven screamed, kicking the scale aside. "I did NOT gain two pounds this month!" she fumed. The dark goddess raised a hand and dark power formed within her palms.

A blast of fire flew through the air and Starfire fanned the smoke to clear the vision for her camcorder. "_Scale_ has been executed," Starfire concluded. She moved the camera down to where the charred scale is now a small chunk of burnt metal.

The camera zooms to two dozen large mugs lying on a dresser.

"Raven consumes a massive amount of liquids known as Herbal Teas. Apparently, they are supposed to relieve the tension that she feels most often. However, they are the result of her constant need to run to the lavatory."

Starfire put down the camcorder and picked up a teacup. She was surprised to find it was brimming, not with tea, but with several small brown discs.

Since aliens are capable of digesting certain foods that would be otherwise toxic to humans, Starfire found no need to fear. She popped one of the objects into her mouth and her eyes widened.

"Mmmmm. . ." she hummed, chewing the smooth creamy food.

"Who's' there?" Raven's tight voice snapped. Starfire gulped, grabbed the camcorder, and ducked into the closet,

Raven glared and glanced around the room. She raised a magazine that she was holding and began to rip the page up. "Ugh Orlando Bloom! I can't stand prissy little blondes who toss their hair at the camera," she said angrily. Raven tossed the magazine up in the air and thrust a sphere of dark power in its direction. A charred mess of burnt papers landed next to the ruined scale.

A more-satisfied Raven began to cram bonbons into her mouth while a fascinated Starfire watched, her video camera recording the scene through a crack in the doorway.

"Ah, now it appears that Raven requires massive amounts of sugary foods like the rest of us, but will say nothing."

Raven looked up, her mouth and cheeks stained with chocolate. Suddenly, she looked at the clock.

"Oh no. . . I'm going to miss _Blues Clues!_" she shouted. Raven put her stash of bonbons away and ran out of the room.

Starfire stepped out of the closet and decided to investigate further. She noticed a lovely looking book wrapped in lavender paper with the words DIARY spelled out in gold letters.

"I have heard of these diaries," Starfire said. "I believe they are books of literature that humans write feelings and daily activities in, for the sake of their own personal relief or lack there of. Usually diaries are confidential documents, but surely Raven shall not mind if I. .. ."

Starfire saw a piece of paper on top of the diary and picked it up. She began to read it out loud:

_Dear Starfire,_

_I know that you have been using that video camera to follow us around and record all of our activities. Should you so much as put a toe in my room with that blasted contraption, I will personally inflict you with the Curse of a Thousand Newts._

_-Raven_

Starfire paused. "What is a newt?" she asked. The alien girl heard an odd squelching noise and turned around.

There was the violent shrieking of Starfire and the screen showed a flash of her bright green light before the screen was pelted with slimy green creatures. Then the screen went black.

A-A-A

The camera turns on.

Starfire had just peeled the 997th newt off of her body and shuddered. "Now that I have had the not-so pleasant experience of meeting those little reptiles known as newts, it would be best to avoid Raven for the time being."

"Today I shall be researching the life of one of Robin's friends and an honorary Titan." She paused. "Make that several allies of the Titans."

"This is the home of the legendary archer known as Speedy, who stays here when he is not residing at Titans East Tower. We shall explore his natural habitat via the window." Starfire flew up the side of the apartment building to the fifteenth floor where Speedy lived. Though the glass window blocked out the sound, she lifted her camera up and managed to slide the window open a bit.

Speedy was sprawled across the couch, flat on his back. The T.V was blaring away loudly but his loud snores were even drowning out the noise from the screen. Various cans and bottles were scattered all over the place. His quiver and arrows were under a table.

The doorbell rang.

"I'M UP!" he shouted, bolting from the couch and running to the door. Opening it up, Speedy found Bumblebee with a bag of groceries.

"Oh, hey! Buzz! What's up, honey?" he grinned, leaning in the doorway. Bumblebee pushed him aside and walked into the apartment.

"First of all, don't call me Buzz. Second, don't call me honey. Third of all-"she plunked down the groceries and glanced around the apartment.

"Its _filthy _in here, Roy!" she shouted, shaking her head in disgust. Speedy just yawned and scratched his head while Bumblebee ran around the room, gathering up the mess and dumping wrappers into the garbage.

"I'm a single guy, Bumblebee. What do you want from me?" he groaned.

"I'd except you to live a little cleaner lifestyle, and maybe to eat and sleep like a normal human being," she chided him. "instead of a slob."

"I'm a busy guy. I don't have time to be perfect," Speedy snapped.

"What on earth do you eat anyway?" she said angrily. Bumblebee opened up the cabinets revealing cans and cans of bright pink meat.

"Spam spam spam!" Speedy laughed and sang. He grabbed a can of spam and brought it to his chest as he danced around the room.

"You are SO weird," Bumblebee sighed. Speedy sat back down on the couch and opened up his can of spam.

"I like spam," he said happily, digging into the can.

"Gee, processed pork guts and chocolate pudding," she said with disgust. Bumblebee pulled a head of lettuce out of her bag.

Speedy nearly chocked on his spam and looked at her, utterly mortified.

"Ew, you want me to eat THAT stuff?"

"I'm going to make you a vegetable salad and you are going to eat it-"she threatened him.

"Or what? You'll honey my sheets?!" Speedy started laughing.

ZAP!

He was blasted across the room and landed smack against the window. Starfire dodged out of the way just in time. Speedy fell to the ground just as Bumblebee lowered her hand.

"Ow! Geez, you don't have to show your stingers," he groaned, rubbing his back.

Bumblebee began to flip through his videos.

"Got anything good?"

Speedy grinned and waved a video.

"I am NOT watching _Monty Python and the Holy Grail _for the forty fifth time, Speedy!" she nearly screamed in his face.

"Forty six if we count the time you didn't see the Trojan Bunny," he said.

The doorbell rang.

"I hope that's Aqualad," Bumblebee muttered. But when she opened the door, it revealed Robin, Cyborg, and Beast Boy. Enraged, she pushed past them and stomped out.

"What's her problem?" Beast Boy asked. Speedy shrugged.

"Women." Then he ushered them into the apartment.

"Say, where _is_ Tuna Breath anyway?" Speedy asked.

"Last time I heard, Aqualad was swimming in the Gotham sewers looking for something," Cyborg said, He and Beast Boy were dragging a very unwilling Robin into the apartment.

"What's going on?" Speedy asked.

Robin wriggled out of the grip and was about to run out the door, but Cyborg grabbed him by the scuff of his neck.

"Nothing, nothing," Robin muttered nervously. "We don't want anything."

"Yes we do," Beast Boy insisted. He helped up a large cardboard box in front of Speedy's face.

"_The Acme Correspondence Course of Back Waxing," _he read aloud. Speedy adjusted his mask.

"And we're going to try it on Robin!" Beast Boy beamed.

The black-haired leader of the Titans continued to squirm and look mortified.

"We thought we'd do it here so the girls wouldn't find out," Cyborg explained.

"I'd rather we not do it," Robin muttered. "Come on guys, please don't do this to me! I'd _die_ of embarrassment. Think of the publicity. Think of what, what Starfirewould say if she found out!"

Starfire covered her mouth to hide a smile and made sure the volume was on loud and clear as she continued to film.

"I'm sure she'd just love knowing your back was waxed just to please her," Speedy grinned wickedly. He pinched Robin's cheek-hard.

"Robbie Poo," he added in a high girly tone.

Cyborg and Beast Boy burst out into hysterical laughs.

"NO! YOU CAN"T MAKE ME!" Robin howled. But it was too late: Cyborg and Speedy had pinned him to the ground while Beast Boy opened up the back waxing kit.

"Now lets see. Melt the wax over low heat and stir," he read from the instructions.

Robin was beginning to whimper softly.

"Come on, Rob. Don't tell me that this is going to scare you," Cyborg said cheerily.

Robin was beginning to wish that he had learned more about escaping from perilious dangers during his apprenticeship with Slade.

There was the sound of pots and pans banging in the kitchen. "Just get a pot to heat the wax up!" Speedy shouted over the noise. Beast Boy's head stuck out of the kitchen. "Should I add some crayons to the mix?" he asked.

"Crayons?!" Cyborg looked surprised.

"Yeah, well, its all wax and its going to get melted down anyway," Beast Boy insisted. "I'd stick to that clear stuff in the kit," Speedy advised. "Besides, you don't want Robin to end up with his back all purple or fuchsia, do you?"

"You're getting back at me for the tournament, aren't you?" Robin fumed at Speedy. He only grinned again and wiggled his ears.

Beast Boy came back from the kitchen, blowing on a large ladle full of hot melted wax. Ordering the other Titans to pull up Robin's shirt, he dumped the wax on Robin's back and began to spread it around with a kitchen knife.

"Ouch! That's stuff's hot!" Robin shouted as he smeared the gray mess around.

"Well duh, you can't wax a back with cold wax, can you?" he insisted. Beast Boy ripped out a sheet of paper and plastered it on Robin's back. He began to rub the paper hard, causing the Boy of Wonder to start giggling away.

"Stop that," he snickered. Now it was Cyborg's turn to start smirking.

"You're ticklish, Rob!" he said.

"No I'm not," he argued back. Cyborg just ripped off Robin's boots and began to tickled his feet.

"AHAHAHAHAHAH!" Robin screamed from being ticklish. "Please! Hahaah! No more! Hahahah! STOP!" he began to howl, begging for mercy.

"Ok, ok, enough for now. Time to rip the wax off," Speedy announced.

"WHAT?!" Robin shouted.

Starfire made sure that she had the camera's sound on and had a good view of what was going on.

Robin began to pound the ground with his hand while beads of sweat were forming on his face.

"Ready?" Beast Boy grinned.

"First, Robin resorts to confession," she said.

"Ok Ok, I confess," he babbled. "I took the last Mallow Blaster from the fridge. Will you let me go now?

"One!" Beast Boy said, ignoring Robin's pleas.

"Now he attempts bribery," Starfire said.

"Video games! Cyborg, set me free and I'll let you keep the Starkiller V game cartridge," he begged.

"Two!" Beast Boy shouted.

Robin began to make small whiney sounds, whimpering like a puppy.

"Three!'

_Rrrrrrriiiiiipppp!_

Pause.

"YYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE EEEEOOOOOOOOOOOWWW!"

Starfire had to cover her ears to shield them from the soprano blasts of Robin's voice which had yet to develop into deeper masculine tones as he would mature. The windows nearly rattled from his high shrieks of pain from having the wax ripped off of his skin.

Starfire watched Robin roll over and groan, his back a throbbing red hue.

Beast Boy was holding a large piece of paper covered in hardened wax and tiny black hairs. "Cool!" he said, touching the paper.

Cyborg was looking at the guidebook from the kit. "It says to put some kind of lotion on the waxed area to prevent it from itching," he read aloud.

_SPLORT! _Speedy dumped a pile of goo on Robin's back and began to smear the white moisturizing lotion around.

Robin began to moan. "What a terrible way to go. Me, the leader of the Titans, resorted to having his back waxed."

"At least Batman isn't around to see this," Speedy laughed. Robin's head jerked up, the corners of his mouth turned down.

"If Batman _ever _found out about this. . ." Robin began to say.

A small beeping noise emulated from their pockets. All of the Titans took out their communicators.

"Tuna Breath?" Speedy said into the compact. "Where are you?"

"In downtown Jump City investigating," Aqualad said somewhat irritated. "While you've been stuffing your face and goofing off. . . Skinny."

"Robin, I think you guys had better get down here ASAP," Aqualad said.

"Right!" Robin said, wiggling away and rolling his shirt down. He made a face as he touched his back. "This is so weird. My back is as smooth as a baby's, uh, knee."

Starfire turned off the camcorder.

A-A-A

Making sure her camera was tucked away for the time being, Starfire met the other Titans in the middle of the city.

"Starfire, where have you been?" Robin asked her.

"I have been. . . investigating," she said innocently, trying to keep a straight face as she recalled his torture to being humiliated in the masculine world.

The Titans met Aqualad in the center of town.

"When did you get back after Gotham?" Speedy asked him.

"Just today. But I've heard some weird noises around here-"Aqualad began. A strange clucking noise was heard over their heads. "Squawk!" came a loud noise. Raven flew up and above the rooftops to find the source of the strange sound. She put a hand to her face and squinted to see.

"SQUWACK!"

"Ray, are you all right?" Cyborg shouted from below.

Raven came back down holding something long, gangly, and orange. She threw it down and all of the Titans gathered around.

"It's a rubber chicken," she said flatly.

"WHahahahah!" Beast Boy laughed. "What kind of idiots think that they can scare us with rubber chi-"

KA-BOOOM!

Far away on top of another building, Slade was watching the chaos with satisfaction.

"Huh huh huh," his low voice chuckled with pleasure. "The Joker was right. A few tricks would certainly liven things up for the Titans."

He turned around to face the Tricky Triad known as Mammoth, Jinx, and Gizmo. Their faces were plastered with sinister grins and in each of their hands, they held large circular balls of a sticky white gel.

"Are you prepared to have fun?" he asked them. They all nodded and laughed.

"Then by all means, go and entertain them," he said.

The Triad swooped down onto the Titans with a rush.

"Bombs away!" laughed Jinx. They pelted the Titans with the white bombs.

SPLAT! SPLAT! SPLAT!

Raven dodged but got the front of her cloak covered in the white goo. Robin was hit head first, his black hair buried in the mess. Beast Boy tried to turn into a tiger but he slipped and fell into a large pile of the white sticky mess.

Starfire pelted flaming green disks at them, but the goop splattered and exploding upon contact. Rubbing the white cream from her face, Starfire grabbed her video camera and dashed off.

"Retreat! Retreat!" Robin shouted. The horrifically ruined Titans ran off, gasping for breath. "Ew, what is this stuff?" Beast Boy asked. Speedy whipped some of the goop off of his face and licked it. "I don't think its safe to have a stomach bigger than your brain," Raven warned him.

"Its mayonnaise," Speedy concluded.

"Why would they be pelting us with mayonnaise?" Robin demanded.

"Does this mean they demand an alteration on our diets?" Starfire asked, brushing some mayonnaise off of her skirt.

"DOUBLE ATTACK!" they heard Gizmo scream. Turning around, the Titans shrieked and were chased down the streets being attacked by mayonnaise.

Starfire raised her camera to get a better look.

SPLAT!

The camera screen showed white until Starfire turned it off.


	2. Chapter 2

The camera turns on.

"We have retreated back to the Tower and decided to allow the enemy to call it a victory for today," Starfire said. "Nevertheless, the Titans will still attempt to dislocate the Mayonnaise Bombs and find the source of the Exploding Rubber Chickens."

She walked up to Robin who was sitting on the couch and tapped him on the back. Robin shrieked and jumped six feet into the air.

"OUCH!"

"Forgive me," Starfire gasped. "Your back must be..." her voice trailed off.

Robin twitched, wondering what she was up to.

"Have you been to one of those little contraptions that attempts to tan the back by lying in a bed of dangerously hot lights?" Starfire asked innocently.

"Um, yeah! That's it, Star," Robin stammered nervously. "I, uh, tried a tanning bed and it didn't work so my back was sunburned." Given the concerned smile of the Tamaranean beauty, Robin hoped she had bought it. Better to be known as sunburned than back waxed.

Robin turned on the T.V.

"_In today's news, Gotham police have noticed a giant ceramic toilet lodged outside the main sewer pipes of Gotham city. This toilet may have been the cause of the lack of water running in some pipes in the city, while others are nearly flooded."_

The new camera showed a toilet nearly as big as Titan's Tower standing in the middle of the city.

"_Police have been questioned in the matter and are curious about the whereabouts of the city's protector, Batman. However, there has been no sight of the Dark Knight recently and the city's citizens are beginning to get impatient and demand their showers back. _

_Should the cause of this disaster not come to surface, the Justice League of America will have to intervene and may bring in the legendary Plungerman, protector of the flushing, the squeaky clean, and the rubber rod."_

"Plungerman?!" Robin blurted out.

"_In other news, the citizens of Jump City may have their showers working fine, and they'll need them! Thousands of Rubber Chickens covered the streets today before exploding in mid-air, right before Mayonnaise Cannons blasted down people."_

"_Worried mothers are concerned about salmonella food poisoning and the city cleaners will be annoyed about the smell for a while. We highly recommend air fresheners and extra sponges for you all."_

Raven was banging on the door of the bathroom as if it was a drum. "Speedy!" she snapped. "You've been in there forever and we all need to wash that disgusting mayonnaise off!"

The door slid open and Raven was hit with a wave of hot air and whirling steam. Speedy came out wearing nothing more than a fluffy yellow towel wrapped around his waist.

"Ew! Man, put some clothes on!" Cyborg gagged, covering his eye and waving a hand away.

Raven's attention went towards Speedy's torso. "That is MY favorite bathtowel that you are wearing," she hissed.

"Really?" Raven could have sworn Speedy was winking behind his mask, but his sadistic grin was already telling her enough. "All right Raven, you can have it back," he said wickedly. Speedy pretended to peel the towel off his waist.

"No! No!" Raven shouted, turning away. "Just keep it, ok? And while you're at it, take my bathrobe," she grumbled.

The dark goddess began to stomp off and almost bumped into Starfire's camera. Raven pursed up her lips. "Pray tell me, how did the little expedition in my room go?"

Starfire widened her green eyes and tried to look as innocent as possible, but Raven could see right through her.

"I know the curse was put into effect," Raven said. "Hope you liked having newts all over your body."

"It was not a pleasant experience," Starfire confessed.

"Not as unpleasant as having that dirty pervert Speedy around. I wish Robin had never made that rouge into a Titan."

"He cannot be dirty, he has just showered," Starfire insisted.

Raven hesitated, wondering if she should tell Starfire what "dirty" meant along with "hitting on" and "flirting". She had a thought bubble of Starfire smacking someone with a baseball bat in self defense of being "hit at". Perhaps there are some things the Tamaranean alien should not know.

A-A-A

Speedy found himself standing in the Titan's kitchen with a blank expression. He adjusted the towel he was wearing and frowned. Because he was much taller than Robin, it would be quite unnecessary for the Boy of Wonder to offer Speedy any of his uniforms. Until Speedy's clothes were done drying, he'd have to wait. Maybe he could watch a movie in the meantime.

Speedy suddenly felt a draft and looked down.

"BURP!"

The Titan's mutant mascot known as Silkie the Silkworm was happily munching on the remains of the fluffy yellow towel.

Speedy shouted and made a beeline for the bathroom. He would never live to see the day if anyone had caught him and he would be nicknamed _Skinny Dipping Speedy._

Starfire lowered the camera and made a face.

"I have seen hooligans such as Johnny Rancid with permanent imprints on their bodies called tattoos," she spoke slowly. "They are often interpreted as having tribunal or artistic origins."

She frowned.

"But what is the significance of Speedy having a small imprinted tattoo of a purple dinosaur on his backside?" she asked aloud.

_Meanwhile. . ._

The other shower in Titans Tower was preoccupied for the moment.

"I'm telling you, Beast Boy, the place stunk like bad socks," Aqualad said, coming about and rubbing his black hair with a towel. "So you were trying to find out who put up that giant toilet in Gotham?" he asked.

"Yeah, and the sewers were just disgusting. It was like swimming in sludge water," Aqualad shuddered. "I found Batman, by the way. But he was accompanied by Catwoman and-"

"Cats can't swim," Beast Boy interrupted.

"Right. So she's there, thrashing and screaming and shouting like its doomsday and Batman doesn't have any little waterwings or anything like that in his utility belt. And since his uniform is so heavy, it's pulling both of them down!" Aqualad shook his head. "Why do I think grown-ups are more helpless than they let themselves on to be?"

"Did this dude Plungerman ever show up?"

"Him? Nah. This little guy in blue tights and a red uniform came out of no where. He called himself Spiderman-"

"That's crazy! What kind of a weirdo goes around dressed like an insect?" Beast Boy laughed.

"Dunno. But he's going to save both of them, so he says. Joker pops up out of nowhere and begins to sing 'The Itsy Bitsy Spider' and flushes the giant toilet. Of course, poor little Spiderman is scrambling up the walls and gets water flushing him back down."

"Sounds awful," Beast Boy grinned.

"Wasn't a total loss, though," Aqualad said. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a green gem on a gold chain. "I got this 3-D Hypno necklace from a magic shop."

"Big deal! Those things are phonies," the green changeling retorted. But Aqualad swung it in front of Beast Boy's eyes. "You are getting sleeeeepy. . ." he said in a low voice. Beast Boy just folded his arms and rolled his eyes.

"That is SO lame, I'm not falling for it."

"On the count of three, you will fall asleep," Aqualad continued.

"I'm not that stupid! You can't get me like Mad Mod!"

"One!"

"Na na never gonna do it!"

"Two!"

"Ha! Ha! Ha!"

"Three!"

WUMP!

Beast Boy's eyes went shut and his head dropped forward. Aqualad caught it and propped the sleeping boy back on his bed. He opened the door and ushered for Starfire to come in.

"The coast is clear. You can begin shooting," he said.

"Ahem!" Starfire cleared her throat and began to talk into the camera. "I have checked the encyclopedia and discovered that hypnosis is a state of relaxation and different conscious that has been used for medical reasons. Today, Aqualad has hypnotized Beast Boy and will explain to me how it will be used for health benefits."

The camera shows the stud muffin smiling.

"Thank you, Starfire. Well, when I said 'health benefits', I was being more vague. It is not for the patient's welfare, but for the viewers. Now that Beast Boy has no control over himself. ." Aqualad leaned forth and grinned perfect teeth into the screen. ". . .. we'll just have to play along."

He turned around to the sleeping boy who has a thin trickle of saliva drooling out of his mouth. "Beast Boy, you are now under my power. When I snap my fingers, you will wake up and-" he paused, wondering what to make him to.

"Make Beast Boy act as if he is a Zorgophlec!"

"Fine. Beast Boy, you are now a Zorgophlec." He snapped his fingers and Beast Boy's eyes popped open. He looked around the room and saw his pile of colored socks.

"Fooood!" he screamed. The changeling jumped into the pile and began to cram clothes into his mouth. "Mmmm, yummy yummy socks," he said, stuffing two red socks into his mouth, chewing, and swallowing.

"Mwahahahahah!" Aqualad laughed, falling down hysterically.

Starfire blinked calmly. "I see not what it is so funny about this. Zorgophlecs are raised on a strict diet of spun cotton and wool prints. It is good that he is getting his nutrition in."

Beast Boy had just dumped ketchup on a polka-dot tie and was rolling it up like a jelly roll. He licked the red stuff off his fingers as he finished eating it. But then, he noticed the pile of dirty laundry.

Starfire gasped. "Aqualad, he cannot eat that, it is most unsanitary!" Aqualad made a face. "Yeah, I don't think he should be eating his own clothes if they need to be washed, especially filthy socks."

Too late.

"COME TO PAPA!"

Beast Boy jumped into the air and was about to land on top of the socks, his tongue hanging out of his mouth.

Snap!

He landed on top of the filthy laundry in a heap, snoring loudly. The two Titans managed to pull him off and put Beast Boy on the ground.

"Ok, I've got another idea," Aqualad said. "When I snap my fingers, you will want to sing a very popular pop song."

He snapped his fingers. Beast Boy jumped up, wide awake and looked around the room. Suddenly, he grabbed his toy squeaky hammer and got on top of the bed. Holding the hammer like a microphone, he began to sing into it: "_I think I did it again, I__ made you believe we're more than just friends. __Oh baby, i__t might seem like a crush..."_

Now even Starfire was laughing so hard that tears were coming down her cheeks. Beast Boy swing his hips back and forth, pursing up his lips and blowing kisses as he kept singing: "_Baby, oh...__Oops!...I did it again, I __played with your heart, got lost in the game..__Oh baby, baby..."_

Aqualad snapped his fingers. Beast Boy dropped the squeaky hammer and fell back, snoring loudly. "Ok, Starfire. Now make him do something," Aqualad announced. Her green eyes grew wide with astonishment.

"Must I?"

"I think you'll enjoy it. Just remember to snap once to wake him up, and only your snap can make him fall back asleep." Starfire nodded and put a finger to her temple in thought. Her eyes widened and she thought of something that would make Beast Boy very happy.

It would NOT make Aqualad very happy.

"I have an idea," Starfire announced. "Beast Boy, when I snap my fingers, you shall assume that Aqualad is really Terra."

Aqualad's face froze. "Terra?"

SNAP!

Beast Boy's eyes widened and he glanced at Starfire with a puzzled look on his face. Then he looked at Aqualad and the smile spread across his face was so bright that Starfire thought she would need sunglasses.

"Um, Beast Boy," Aqualad said stepping back slowly.

Little hearts were coming out of Beast Boy's eyes as he looked at Aqualad.

"TEEEERAAA!" he screamed at the top of his lungs. Still looking googly-eyed, he dove for Aqualad and threw his arms around the buff teenager's waist.

"Cant-breath," Aqualad gasped.

"Oh Terra, I'm so glad to see you! You're all right! You're here! You're wonderful! You're beautiful!" Beast Boy said, grabbing Aqualad's hand and kissing it. "I love you! I love you!"

"BLECH!" Aqualad was beyond repulsed at this point. _And I thought the Gotham sewers were disgusting _he thought to himself. He pried Beast Boy's fingers' off his waist and scooted backwards.

"Terra, you wanna go the movies?" Beast Boy said.

"Make him stop!" Aqualad gagged. "Before he hurts either of us!" He ran down the hallway with Beast Boy behind him, the little green one holding a rose between his teeth.

"You are zee most beautiful woman I have EVER seen!" he hollered. Starfire lagged behind with the camera. "Terra, please! My best friend!" Beast Boy wailed.

Aqualad jumped out of a window and splashed into the water. Beast Boy's splash was heard next and when the black haired boy glanced behind him, he groaned. He was still being chased, but now the little red hearts had increased in number and size.

And it was an ugly green squid that was chasing him. Aqualad forced his aching legs to push through the water as fast and hard as he could go.

"_Terra, Terra, sweeter than pie. It's the cute blondie I love, I cannot lie," _the telepathic message sang over and over again. Just as Aqualad thought it was hopeless, he rose to the surface for air. The green duck followed him and looked up.

Starfire hovered above the water and raised her hand.

SNAP!

Beast Boy blinked and found himself bobbing up and down in the middle of the bay.

"Um, how did we get here and why am I soaking wet?" he asked Aqualad. "And why is Starfire up there holding her video camera?"

"She wanted to watch us race," Aqualad explained quickly, relieved at the change in Beast Boy's conduct. "Oh," was all Beast Boy could say. He scratched his ear.

"Was I winning?" he added.

The camera revolves around the long corridor in the Titan's Tower.

"And now I am about to interview or at least research the lifestyle of the bionic wonder known as Cyborg," Starfire announced happily.

Starfire' plan was interrupted when the door decided to make direct contact with her face.

WUNK!

The door slammed open, mashing Starfire to the wall as flat as a pancake.

Bumblebee stuck her head out of the room "That's funny. I thought I heard noises," she muttered to herself.

"Guuuuuuuuuh. . ." Starfire's voice creaked out. She managed to unwrinkled her flattened face and remain behind the door. At least the camcorder wasn't damaged.

Bumblebee came out wearing a fluffy lacey pale pink dress adorned with flowers. A large floppy hat covered with daisies was on her head while she held a large basket full of chocolates. She began to twirl around and hum cherrily._ "I feel pretty, oh so pretty, I feel pretty and witty and bright..."_

"You do?" Cyborg's voice was heard from the room. She stopped singing and rolled her eyes. "I'd like you more if you just came out, Cyborg!" she shouted with her hands on her hips.

"Cyborg is dressed all over in thick white fur," Starfire said into the camera. "He is holding a giant head of some ferocious animal. Perhaps he has come back from a hunting expedition and is dressing himself in the animal's skins to show that he is a valiant warrior, and Bumblebee is wearing that adorable gown to express her pride in his capture of the-"

Cyborg held out the head to Bumblebee. "I can't get it on," he insisted.

"Oh for heavens sake!" she snapped. She grabbed the head and shoved it onto Cyborg's head. A muffling sound was heard from inside.

"Can you talk?" she asked.

"Huhmma humma. . yes, I think I can," came the still slightly smothered sound of Cyborg. "Bee, I really don't want to do this."

"You promised me that you'd be the Easter Bunny in the mall today," she warned him, shaking a finger. "Besides, I'm going along as your assistant so shut up and go along with it."

Cyborg turned around and looked at his reflection in the mirror: a white furry body costume and a large smiling bunny face with floppy pink ears met him in the mirror.

"And what are you supposed to be, the sugar plum fairy?"

"You'll see."

Before he could react, Bumblebee grabbed the long floppy ears and began to drag him out the door.

"Ow! Ow!" his voice was heard. "You'll rip 'em off!"

"Nonsense! I superglued them on," she shouted back.

"We are at the mall to await the arrival of the great animal known as the Easter Bunny," Starfire announced cheerily. "Or should I say, Cyborg on behalf of the Easter Bunny."

A bunch of kids were lined up in the middle of the mall where various balloons in pastel colors were gathered around.

"Look! It's the Easter Bunny!" one kid cried, pointing to Cyborg and Bumblebee. She smiled and began to pass out chocolate to them. "Hello, boys and girls," she said in a high sweet voice. "I am Sugar Pixie, friend to all and dear helper of the Easter Bunny."

"_Sugar Pixie?!" _Cyborg shouted. But the kids saw him and began to squeal with laughter, jumping up and down, clapping their hands.

"Easter Bunny!" shouted one boy. He tugged on Cyborg's arm and the bionic boy trapped inside the costume of a large white mammal fell into a rocking chair. The boy sat himself down comfortably on Cyborg's lap.

"Um, what are you doing?" he asked.

"Telling you what presents I want," the kid said. "My name is Alex and I've been REALLY good this year and I-"

"Excuse me," Bumblebee said, tapping Alex on his shoulder. She bent over and said, in a voice so sweet and sticky that Starfire was almost getting cavities. "But Santa Clause is the one that gives out presents. The Easter Bunny has just enough candy and games for today. So sorry, darling."

_Games?! _

Cyborg was ready to die. He didn't know how he let Bumblebee get him talked into doing this ridiculous shindig, and he was terrified at what Robin would think if he ever saw Cyborg in the stupid bunny outfit. How did he ever get into this mess?

Oh yeah, she had offered him a _Starkiller Scream V _game cartridge.

Cyborg cleared his throat and patted Alex on his head with one large furry paw.

"Never mind that, Alex. Tell me what Santa got you for Christmas," he said in a deep voice. Alex's eyes grew wide and he scooted around on Cyborg's lap.

"Ok! I got a really cool super summer slide, and a science experiment kit, and some cool movies. . ."

"I wanna go! I wanna go!" A little girl jumped on Cyborg's lap once Alex had gotten off. "My name is Thera," she lisped. "Sara?" he asked.

"Yeth! Thera!" she smiled at Cyborg. "And I got a pretty china tea teth, a Barbie doll, a glow inna dark kite and some pretty pink thocks."

She got off of his lap and another boy climbed on. Cyborg was partially relieved at this point. If this was all it took to being the Easter Bunny, then it wasn't so bad.

"Well, uh, my name is Josh and I'm Jewish so I didn't celebrate Christmas," he said slowly. "But I got some really awesome stuff for Chanukah! My mom got me a a pinball game, and my own autographed football-"

"Football?" Cyborg blurted out. Josh nodded and reached into his knapsack. He pulled out a football and handed it to Cyborg. "Easter Bunny, do you know how to play football?" he asked.

Cyborg jumped up and grabbed the football. "The Easter Bunny kicks butt at football!" he said happily. "Come on, let's toss the old pigskin around."

The kids cheered and all lined up in the mall. Cyborg bent down and made sure he could get the ball between his furry legs.

"Hutt, hutt, hike!" he shouted. Alex grabbed the ball but fumbled. He tossed it to Sara who threw it to another girl before she threw it over her head. Cyborg grabbed the ball, ran huffing and puffing in his large suit, and finally made the touchdown.

"Yaaaah!" the kid cheered, jumping up and down.

"What a remarkable festival occasion," Starfire sighed happily. "The ceremony began with relating over gifts, and now Bumblebee as the winged fairy is giving candy to the children. Now it looks like she wants them to perform in a ritual dance for this holiday known as Easter."

"Ok everyone, now its time to do the 'Hokey Pokey'!" Bumblebee said. She stuffed a CD into a Boom Box and hit the PLAY button. Just as the kids began to shuffle into a circle, Cyborg was fidgeting.

"Do I really have to?" he asked. She nodded and pushed him into the ring. The music started and the kids began to sing and dance along: "_You put your right foot in. __You put your right foot out! __You put your right foot in a__nd you shake it all about.__You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, and __that's what it's all about!" _

It was a good think Cyborg was inside of that bunny suit or else everyone would see him getting pinker than his ears.

Cyborg winced but stuck out his big furry foot. "_You put your left foot in..."_ he began very quietly.

No more than five minutes later, he forgot about it and found himself dancing with all of kids, shaking and doing the Hokey Pokey to his heart's content.

_"You put your backside in, y__ou put your backside out, y__put your backside in.."_

"_And you shake it all about!" _he laughed, wagging the bunny's furry bottom and fuzzy cotton tail. The kids giggled and cheered.

"Can we do the Bunny Hop, Easter Bunny?" begged Alex. "Sure!" Cyborg said happily. They all lined up and began to dance.

_Dum-da-da-da-dum-DUM DUM DUM_ went the music. The line of kids bounced back and forth along with Cyborg who was at the front of the line.

"These ritual dances known as the Hokey Pokey and the Bunny Hop appear to be enlightening for the spirit as well as the soul," Starfire said happily. "Perhaps we could find the time for such dances to increase positive attitude around Titan's Tower."

A-A-A

The video camera now was directed at a cruel-looking smile and two lopsided eyes in an orange face. With a shriek, Starfire jumped back and nearly lost control of the camera.

"Brother Blood, head of the HIVE Academy, collects the heads of his enemies!" she gasped aloud. She looked around his office, wondering if he had any other trophies besides the large orange head that was on his desk. No other heads were found.

Starfire glanced at a small piece of paper written on the desk. She picked it up.

"This must be the name of his victim," she murmured, squinting at the small words scrawled on the paper.

"_Jack_."

Starfire clasped her hands together and bowed her head out of respect. "Rest in peace, orange-skinned warrior once known as Jack. I swear on your vegetable looking head that the Titans will stop with this atrocious behavior-"

Footsteps meant it was time to depart. Insomuch as Starfire wished she could take the head and give it a proper burial, its removal would mean a dead giveaway and send Brother Blood after the Titans. Starfire turned off the video camera and flew out the window without Jack.

Brother Blood was preoccupied in the finishing touches of his jack-o-lantern and whistling away cheerfully when he heard a knock on the door.

"Excuse me sir," said the high squeaky voice of his assistant.

"Go away, Minion!" he shouted, waving his pocket knife. "I'm busy!"

"Yes sir, but the exterminator has come to see you. He says you requested a private appointment," Minion whimpered.

Brother Blood frowned. "I didn't call the exterminator. Do we have a rodent problem in the HIVE that I am not aware of?"

"I don't think so, sir."

"Bats?"

"Not that."

"Mice?"

"Nu-huh"

"Lice?"

"Idiot!" snarled Slade, who had just appeared in the doorway. Brother Blood watched the man's large hand grip Minion's neck in the doorway. Minion let out a high-pitched squeak as Slade stepped into the room.

"How many times do I have to tell you that my alias is 'Deathstroke the Terminator'?" he demanded heatedly.

Brother Blood shook his head and tutted.

"Minion, you know better than to use shorthand in the schedules," Brother Blood chided his assistant.

"Anyhow, maybe I could arrange for some proper business cards for you, Slade," he offered. "This way, no one would get your name mixed up with pest controllers."

Just as Slade was imagining how the HIVE leader's face would look when pounded into the floor, Brother Blood snapped his fingers.

"Oh yes, now I know why I asked you to come. I have your new apprentice!" Brother Blood beamed.

"I don't want another apprentice," Slade said irritably. Brother Blood must have ignored the comment on purpose because he removed his hands behind his back and pulled out something.

"Ta-da!" he sang around. Slade's lone eye glared at him.

"It is an ugly yellow oversized hamster," he said coldly.

"Hamster? No no no, it's called a 'pcket monster'!" Brother Blood said proudly. "A supernatural creature with amazing powers and can do your bidding upon command."

"If I wanted a pint-sized monster to do my work, I would have had Terra do it", Slade retorted.

"But this one conducts electricity," protested Brother Blood.

"I am not interested in taming idiotic creatures like that one," Slade said, pointing to the creature with a menacing finger. The little creature just glared back at Slade and jumped up and down.

"Pika-pika-CHU!" it went, spraying sparks of white light all over the place. Brother Blood shielded his eyes from the brilliance of the electricity.

"I'm sure he's already tamed and housebroken," he explained to Slade. "Shall I have Pikachu go make merry hell for the Titans?"

Slade threw up his hands in disgust. "Oh, very well! It's not as if your students can do the work anymore since we ran out of mayonnaise!"

"Pikachu!" Brother Blood shouted, snapping his fingers. The small yellow creature looked up and blinked black eyes at him.

"Pika?"

Brother Blood held up a picture of the Titans. "These are your enemies, Pikachu! You must destroy them!"

Pikachu burped.

"I mean it! Destroy them!" Brother Blood shouted. He noticed Slade was glaring at him out of the corner of his eye and he cleared his throat.

"Ahem! Maybe Pikachu would be better off going and searching for the Titans alone," he laughed nervously. He picked up the little creature and dumped him out the window. Pikachu scuttled down the street as fast as he could.

In the center of the town, three teen villains stood poised with the last of their messy but not so deadly Mayonnaise Bombs. "You think those snot-nosed freaks have had enough?" asked Gizmo.

"If not, we crush em into concrete!" Mammoth laughed, cracking his knuckles. They all grinned nastily at each other, ready to relish another victory over the Titans. Suddenly, a loud squeaky noise came down the street. "Wazzat?" asked Gizmo. Jinx put a hand to her forehead and glanced down the road.

"Look!" she shouted, pointing a finger. The squeaking noise was getting louder and louder, accompanied by cranking sounds.

"Duh, looks like a big wooden mouse," Mammoth said.

"Wooden mouse?" Jinx wrinkled her nose.

Gizmo's little eyes grew wide in his head. "Its its it's. . . it's a giant wooden bunny!" he squealed with delight. The tiny tech freak jumped up and down with excitement.

"Watch it, you might wet your pants," Jinx said, knowing what he did when Gizmo was hysterical. "Dontcha get it? It's Easter! I'll bet that bunny is just brimming with chocolate!" Gizmo laughed. He started running towards the giant bunny. Jinx and Mammoth, also unable to control their sugar cravings, ran up to the wooden creature.

Mammoth banged on the rabbit with one large fist. "How do we get the candy?" he asked.

Gizmo held up a small drill. "It's kind of like a piñata, I think. You gotta drill a hole and get all the goodies inside."

Before he was able to start, Jinx held up a hand. She pressed her hand against the side of the rabbit and listened.

"BB, stop squishing me!"

"Its not MY fault, his elbow is in my ear!"

"Someone is touching my Welfogies!"

"Speedy. . ."

"Wasn't me!"

"Raven, control. Remember control-"

Before Jinx could scream out "Titans!" or "We're under attack!" or "The old Trojan-Bunny-hide-in-wooden-creature-and-stop-the-enemy trick, we should have known!"

Before she could react at all, a large wooden door opened in the side of the rabbit.

"WAAAAH!" went Beast Boy

_THUMP!_

The Titans all tumbled out and landed in a huge heap on the ground, dust swirling around them. A very perplexed Robin was gasping for breath, nearly flattened by Cyborg while Raven was trying to untangle herself from Bumblebee's wings.

Aqualad noticed Speedy's hand reaching for Starfire's butt. "Don't even think about," he glared at the masked archer.

"Titans, go!" Robin shouted. They clambered off each other and dashed towards the Triad.

"Under attack! Under attack!" Gizmo squealed. He started to run away but felt something nasty and wet running down his leg. _Damn, I should have switched to pull ups _he thought to himself. Cyborg picked up the pint sized trouble maker and began to do his stuff.

Robin and Aqualad got behind Mammoth and clobbered him on the head, while Beast Boy morphed into a green ox and gave him a powerful kick in the pants. Just as they seemed to finish, Aqualad walked up to Mammoth. "I've waited a _long time _to do this," he laughed. Grabbing the monstrous male by his waistband in the back, Aqualad yanked up his underwear as hard as he could. "Power wedgie!" he shouted as Mammoth roared in pain.

"Ha ha ha! Nice one!" Beast Boy laughed.

Jinx tried zapping Bumblebee with her hexing powers, but the second girl kept flying around. "Cant you stand still for once?" Jinx snarled. Suddenly, she was distracted by a blast of air that flipped her skirt up. Squealing from the draft and blushing like a tomato, Jinx pulled down her dress and turned around. Speedy smiled at her.

"PERVERT!" she screamed, blasting him down with her powers. Raven took her chance. "Azareth, Metreon, Sinthos!" she commanded. Jinx was knocked over.

"Run away! Run away!" Gizmo bawled, running down the street. Rubbing his aching backside, Mammoth followed, accompanied by a red-faced Jinx.

The Titans slapped each other high five. "We kick butt, we kick butt," Cyborg sang. Starfire beamed aloud. "I wish to embrace all of my friends in the Giant Group Hug of Happiness," she smiled, spreading her arms apart. Met with frozen faces of disgust, Starfire sighed and dropped her arms. Speedy was about to accept her very generous offer when he noticed Robin was glaring at him.

Robin's demure changed and he cleared his throat at once. "Beast Boy, Speedy, thanks for your great idea." He rapped his knuckles on the wooden bunny. "How did you guys ever think of such a great idea?"

A snarky grin was all that responded to his question.

"Friends! Friends!" Starfire cried with delight, interrupting their Monty Python madness. "I have a wonderful idea. In honor of our victory, we can partake of the happy Earth Dance of Joy."

Robin frowned. "What Earth Dance of Joy?" he asked. "I never knew we had one."

"I, uhm, saw it performed, ah, on the television," Starfire said lightly. "I believe it was called the O.K. Pokey."

"The OK what?" Aqualad demanded.

"Star, you mean 'The Hokey Pokey'?" Cyborg asked nervously. Starfire's red head bobbed up and down.

"Yes! The once known as the Hokey Pokey! It looked like such a lovely ritualistic dance, may we do it now?" Knowing at last something about the captivating forces that women have over men, Starfire batted her long black eyelashes at Robin and made her jewel green eyes take on that extra sparkle.

"May we, Robin?" she asked in a child-like voice.

"Well, uh. . " Robin scratched his head in thought. Starfire got her eyes to do the entire Anime glitter effect, and flower petals swirled in the air. Robin was hooked.

"Oh hell, why not? Come on, Titans. Lets do the 'Hokey Pokey," he said.

"Here?" Aqualad demanded.

"Now?" Cyborg gagged.

"Here. Now," Robin said. And he put his foot in the center of a circle, began to sing: "_You put your right foot in, y__ou put your right foot out..."_

One by one, the Titans all joined in the dance. All but one.

"Raven," Starfire chirped merrily. The dark eyed girl glared venomous daggers at the alien.

"There is nothing you can say or do to tempt me to do the Hokey Pokey," Raven said in a voice as low as Death Valley. The alien girl was not depressed in the least. Starfire's video camera at last would be put to use.

"Forgive me, friend Raven," she whispered softly into Raven's ear. "Perhaps your excess indulgence in chocolates has made you too ill to dance?" Raven's left eyebrow began to twitch madly. Her chocolate cravings were bad enough. If anyone was to find out then she could not forgive herself.

"All right, you Tamaranean freak," she growled. Reluctantly, Raven stuck her hand into the circle and mumbled the words. "Louder!" Starfire laughed merrily. Wishing she was as close to death as possible, Raven sang, "_You do the Hokey Pokey and you turn yourself around, and __that's what its all about!"_


End file.
